Traversing The Void

Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

-- Mary Oliver



Traversing the Void in a body. What a effin trip!

For any of us going through any transition periods and periods of uncertainty, the more we can be in our body, the better. Part of getting my body back is taking it along for the ride.

What does it mean to be in my body?

For me, it's making my feet solid as tree trunks, planted on the ground, moving down into my gut, landing between my head and looking out through my eyes. Then I get to feel everything inside-- all the sensations that tell me the truth at every moment. My body will never lie. The question is, WILL I LISTEN? Most of us greatly underestimate the information and wisdom our body imparts on a daily and moment-by-moment basis.

I really have to say that some days the void (and thus my body) is peaceful. Somedays it's turbulent and very uncomfortable. Those are the days I have to pay extra attention to breathe (versus holding my breath), move slower inside, put myself to bed early, excercise and eat well. But one unmistakeable characteristic of the Void is-- there are no guarantees. My sister remarked on the place of Mystery: "The cauldron of possibility! Living with the question, not forcing a premature answer."

So aptly described. I felt a big "YES' in my body when I read that sentence yesterday. Yet today I have a knot in my stomach which tells me of my current discomfort of uncertainty.

What am I going to do today with the information I have? Scramble for a position so my ego will be more comfortable in not knowing outcomes? One day it's this. One day it's that.


"Why are we in such a haste to have answers? We jump on the first promise of salvation that comes. Why not stay with the question? What makes you think that salvation is the answer, that freedom is the answer? What makes you think that enlightenment is the answer? What makes you think that love is the answer? You might feel that you want these things, but how do you know that getting them is the best thing that could happen in this moment? How do you know whether you're supposed to be dead or alive, rich or poor, free or enslaved? Is it possible to let your mind be free?

I am not trying to give you an answer; I'm just giving you a question. You need to let your being be ablaze like a flame, an aspiring flame, with no preconceived ideas about what it aspires to. To be just burning intensely, deeply wanting to know, wanting to see the truth without following any preconceptions, totally in the present with the question itself, and let it burn away all the ideas, all the beliefs, all the concepts, even the ones you learned from the great teachings. If you don't allow that flame completely, will you ever rest in your life? Will you ever rest in your life as long as you're covering up your question, answering it before it's really answered? Will you ever really be content with someone else's answer? "

A.H. Almaas Diamond Heart, Book III


Hmm......if I can suspend my need to always have an answer, my body just might make it through this transition a little easier. All I have to do is one day, one moment at a time. That's all I know about how to live in this place.

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