Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
-- Mary Oliver
Traversing the Void in a body. What a effin trip!
For any of us going through any transition periods and periods of uncertainty, the more we can be in our body, the better. Part of getting my body back is taking it along for the ride.
What does it mean to be in my body?
For me, it's making my feet solid as tree trunks, planted on the ground, moving down into my gut, landing between my head and looking out through my eyes. Then I get to feel everything inside-- all the sensations that tell me the truth at every moment. My body will never lie. The question is, WILL I LISTEN? Most of us greatly underestimate the information and wisdom our body imparts on a daily and moment-by-moment basis.
I really have to say that some days the void (and thus my body) is peaceful. Somedays it's turbulent and very uncomfortable. Those are the days I have to pay extra attention to breathe (versus holding my breath), move slower inside, put myself to bed early, excercise and eat well. But one unmistakeable characteristic of the Void is-- there are no guarantees. My sister remarked on the place of Mystery: "The cauldron of possibility! Living with the question, not forcing a premature answer."
So aptly described. I felt a big "YES' in my body when I read that sentence yesterday. Yet today I have a knot in my stomach which tells me of my current discomfort of uncertainty.
What am I going to do today with the information I have? Scramble for a position so my ego will be more comfortable in not knowing outcomes? One day it's this. One day it's that.
"Why are we in such a haste to have answers? We jump on the first promise of salvation that comes. Why not stay with the question? What makes you think that salvation is the answer, that freedom is the answer? What makes you think that enlightenment is the answer? What makes you think that love is the answer? You might feel that you want these things, but how do you know that getting them is the best thing that could happen in this moment? How do you know whether you're supposed to be dead or alive, rich or poor, free or enslaved? Is it possible to let your mind be free?
I am not trying to give you an answer; I'm just giving you a question. You need to let your being be ablaze like a flame, an aspiring flame, with no preconceived ideas about what it aspires to. To be just burning intensely, deeply wanting to know, wanting to see the truth without following any preconceptions, totally in the present with the question itself, and let it burn away all the ideas, all the beliefs, all the concepts, even the ones you learned from the great teachings. If you don't allow that flame completely, will you ever rest in your life? Will you ever rest in your life as long as you're covering up your question, answering it before it's really answered? Will you ever really be content with someone else's answer? "
A.H. Almaas Diamond Heart, Book III
Hmm......if I can suspend my need to always have an answer, my body just might make it through this transition a little easier. All I have to do is one day, one moment at a time. That's all I know about how to live in this place.
Next Post: The New Moon at Winter Solstice
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
How The Phoenix Rises: Step 1: Let Yourself Be Taken Down
I know, I know. "WHY?", you say, "Why in God's name would I ever consider doing THAT????"
First of all, don't believe a word I say-- although you might consider those of a master:
The man who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages his old self to survive. ... Only to the extent that man exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible arise within him. In this lies the dignity of daring...The first necessity is that we should have the courage to face life, and to encounter all that is most perilous in the world. Only if we venture repeatedly through zones of annihilation, can our contact with Divine Being, which is beyond annihilation, become firm and stable. The more a man learns whole-heartedly to confront the world that threatens him with isolation, the more are the depths of the Ground of Being revealed and the possibilities of new life and Becoming opened.
Karlfried Graf von Durckheim, "The Way of Transformation"
...and another:
"We have a fear of facing ourselves. That is the obstacle. Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is very embarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that they hope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. That is impossible. We can't do that. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our excrement, our most undesirable parts. We have to see them. That is the foundation of warriorship, basically speaking. Whatever is there, we have to face it, we have to look at it, study it, work with it....."
-- Chogyam Trungpa
Reader, are you still asking "WHY?"
OK, then I'll tell you what I know for myself.
There's a lot happening right now in 2009 to take folks down, and it's been happening for some time. Bankruptcies, forecloseures, businesses failing, unfaithful marriage partners, family crises, big health issues for some-- the list goes on. You have your version of it and I have mine.
I happen to believe that there are silver linings in these clouds, although the storms of change they carry may wipe out every reference point for us that was dear and comfortable. Yes, there is a gift hidden in the rubble of the structure that once stood in your life, and it may have been a big, impressive structure at that. It could have been a landmark for other people important to you, but most importantly, yourself. It could have been the only thing you thought existed or represented who you were and that NOTHING could replace or match it.
I've got news for you. Something other than the stucture exists and NONE of us who got taken down were able to see past it or go outside it, for that matter. We were prisoners! When structures collapse, we're able to see and deal with what we were blind to or unwilling to work with. What we took for granted. What we didn't take action on...etc., etc., etc. We're also free of its confinements. What waits for us after the structure collapses is a new life, although it may be a life for which we have ZERO reference points and lots of fears and judgements. The wise place inside us knows this. The ego doesn't. It may fight tooth and nail to keep the structure alive and standing. It may also be running around, desperately trying to pick up the pieces to put it all back together again.
There's a great saying by Jack Handy, of "Saturday Night Live":
"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone."
There's so much pain and and unhappiness that results as we try to fetch the keys! It comes in the form of trying to convince others that we're right by blaming, trying to cover stuff up, finding scapegoats, distracting ourselves with overwork and any number of addictions...and a thousand other "fixes". If we're determined to keep the old, we may get wake up call after wake up call in order to send the message that whatever we're trying to hold on to JUST DOESN'T MATCH WHO WE REALLY ARE. Some may literally die rather than looking at and taking action on what they need to change. There is something deeper inside that's screaming to get out and it will be heard at all costs. So the question becomes "When is it enough?" When have I had enough pain, enough dysfunction and enough struggle in order to finally let go of something that needs to be replaced by a reinvention of who I am?
One of the reasons may be that after the structure collapses, we don't have anything to hold on to, nothing to see ourselves by. This makes the ego go CRAZY. "If I can't be that, "I am nothing, I am a failure, I am worthless," is what the ego has decided prior to the structure collapsing, which is why so many are freaked out when it happens. The truth is, it's a place of REAL transformation and change.
There's a native american story called "The Shaman's Dream". In native cultures, the shaman or village healer-to-be will traditionally pass through experiences (created or natural) in which they are not expected to survive physically, BUT DO. The result is the healer is transformed from the inside out and everges as a very powerful leader and medicine person. The experiences can be anything from getting struck by lightening, to being out in the wilderness for weeks on end with nothing but a blanket and knife, to drowning, to getting bitten by a poisonous insect or reptile, etc. In this particular scenario the initate becomes sick with a very high fever so that she goes into a coma for several days. In the coma she experiences a dream in which she is torn apart by wild animals. In this dismemberment, hair is torn from the scalp, arms taken off, the heart ripped out and eaten(what a metaphor, eh?), eyes plucked from sockets-- you get the idea. She is not even recognizeable because so much of her physical body is now destroyed. She doesn't even recognize herself in this place of death. There is a space of time where the pieces of her former self just lie in the emptiness of her dream. The next thing that happens is that her body is put back together in this emptiness in a whole new way which makes her more powerful and gifted beyond measure. She awakens from the dream, totally "re-membered" to herself and the village. What's important to notice here is that NONE of this transformation gets to happen without her experience.
The place in the shaman's dream where the pieces lie is what indigenous cultures call "The Void". It's the "no-place" place of emptiness, in which the past is gone and the future is not yet here. It is the place of total darkness, like the new moon on a cold winter night. No light, which means navigating in a whole new way. Most people run from this place like crazy. It can be the most disorienting of expeiences for a person who doesn't know how to use its potency. But for the spiritual warrior, it is the crucible of the future. It waits for us as the empty hollow of a cauldron waits for the alchemist...who has in her hands the recipe for a magical elixer which will soon come into form. For the spiritual warrior, this is the place that holds the most powerful of healing medicines. More on "The Void" in the next post.
First of all, don't believe a word I say-- although you might consider those of a master:
The man who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages his old self to survive. ... Only to the extent that man exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible arise within him. In this lies the dignity of daring...The first necessity is that we should have the courage to face life, and to encounter all that is most perilous in the world. Only if we venture repeatedly through zones of annihilation, can our contact with Divine Being, which is beyond annihilation, become firm and stable. The more a man learns whole-heartedly to confront the world that threatens him with isolation, the more are the depths of the Ground of Being revealed and the possibilities of new life and Becoming opened.
Karlfried Graf von Durckheim, "The Way of Transformation"
...and another:
"We have a fear of facing ourselves. That is the obstacle. Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is very embarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that they hope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. That is impossible. We can't do that. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our excrement, our most undesirable parts. We have to see them. That is the foundation of warriorship, basically speaking. Whatever is there, we have to face it, we have to look at it, study it, work with it....."
-- Chogyam Trungpa
Reader, are you still asking "WHY?"
OK, then I'll tell you what I know for myself.
There's a lot happening right now in 2009 to take folks down, and it's been happening for some time. Bankruptcies, forecloseures, businesses failing, unfaithful marriage partners, family crises, big health issues for some-- the list goes on. You have your version of it and I have mine.
I happen to believe that there are silver linings in these clouds, although the storms of change they carry may wipe out every reference point for us that was dear and comfortable. Yes, there is a gift hidden in the rubble of the structure that once stood in your life, and it may have been a big, impressive structure at that. It could have been a landmark for other people important to you, but most importantly, yourself. It could have been the only thing you thought existed or represented who you were and that NOTHING could replace or match it.
I've got news for you. Something other than the stucture exists and NONE of us who got taken down were able to see past it or go outside it, for that matter. We were prisoners! When structures collapse, we're able to see and deal with what we were blind to or unwilling to work with. What we took for granted. What we didn't take action on...etc., etc., etc. We're also free of its confinements. What waits for us after the structure collapses is a new life, although it may be a life for which we have ZERO reference points and lots of fears and judgements. The wise place inside us knows this. The ego doesn't. It may fight tooth and nail to keep the structure alive and standing. It may also be running around, desperately trying to pick up the pieces to put it all back together again.
There's a great saying by Jack Handy, of "Saturday Night Live":
"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone."
There's so much pain and and unhappiness that results as we try to fetch the keys! It comes in the form of trying to convince others that we're right by blaming, trying to cover stuff up, finding scapegoats, distracting ourselves with overwork and any number of addictions...and a thousand other "fixes". If we're determined to keep the old, we may get wake up call after wake up call in order to send the message that whatever we're trying to hold on to JUST DOESN'T MATCH WHO WE REALLY ARE. Some may literally die rather than looking at and taking action on what they need to change. There is something deeper inside that's screaming to get out and it will be heard at all costs. So the question becomes "When is it enough?" When have I had enough pain, enough dysfunction and enough struggle in order to finally let go of something that needs to be replaced by a reinvention of who I am?
One of the reasons may be that after the structure collapses, we don't have anything to hold on to, nothing to see ourselves by. This makes the ego go CRAZY. "If I can't be that, "I am nothing, I am a failure, I am worthless," is what the ego has decided prior to the structure collapsing, which is why so many are freaked out when it happens. The truth is, it's a place of REAL transformation and change.
There's a native american story called "The Shaman's Dream". In native cultures, the shaman or village healer-to-be will traditionally pass through experiences (created or natural) in which they are not expected to survive physically, BUT DO. The result is the healer is transformed from the inside out and everges as a very powerful leader and medicine person. The experiences can be anything from getting struck by lightening, to being out in the wilderness for weeks on end with nothing but a blanket and knife, to drowning, to getting bitten by a poisonous insect or reptile, etc. In this particular scenario the initate becomes sick with a very high fever so that she goes into a coma for several days. In the coma she experiences a dream in which she is torn apart by wild animals. In this dismemberment, hair is torn from the scalp, arms taken off, the heart ripped out and eaten(what a metaphor, eh?), eyes plucked from sockets-- you get the idea. She is not even recognizeable because so much of her physical body is now destroyed. She doesn't even recognize herself in this place of death. There is a space of time where the pieces of her former self just lie in the emptiness of her dream. The next thing that happens is that her body is put back together in this emptiness in a whole new way which makes her more powerful and gifted beyond measure. She awakens from the dream, totally "re-membered" to herself and the village. What's important to notice here is that NONE of this transformation gets to happen without her experience.
The place in the shaman's dream where the pieces lie is what indigenous cultures call "The Void". It's the "no-place" place of emptiness, in which the past is gone and the future is not yet here. It is the place of total darkness, like the new moon on a cold winter night. No light, which means navigating in a whole new way. Most people run from this place like crazy. It can be the most disorienting of expeiences for a person who doesn't know how to use its potency. But for the spiritual warrior, it is the crucible of the future. It waits for us as the empty hollow of a cauldron waits for the alchemist...who has in her hands the recipe for a magical elixer which will soon come into form. For the spiritual warrior, this is the place that holds the most powerful of healing medicines. More on "The Void" in the next post.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Day 24: Becoming the Alchemist
IMAGINAL JOURNEY
I am a wind on the deep waters.
I am a fish, I bear the soul through the dark waters.
I am a tree, I suck the poison and transform it to life.
--Asphodel P. Long
"If you take me down now, I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine."
-- Obi Wan Kenobi to Darth Vadar in "Star Wars"
Yes, let yourself be taken down. Just a short post today-- a potent idea I'll go into detail with next time. Whether this idea intrigues or repulses you, the reality is that life is full of experiences that take us down. The truth is, letting ourselves be taken down gives us the first possiblity to drink poison that is actually a very powerful healing, transformative medicine. Becoming the alchemist of your own life who can drink this particular poison is like being a condor. This bird is able to eat stuff that would kill the rest of us and uses it for life giving nourishment. I promise you that you can do the same. I'm doing it myself right now.
Next up on the blog: "How the Phoenix Rises: Step 1: Let Yourself Be Taken Down"
I am a wind on the deep waters.
I am a fish, I bear the soul through the dark waters.
I am a tree, I suck the poison and transform it to life.
--Asphodel P. Long
"If you take me down now, I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine."
-- Obi Wan Kenobi to Darth Vadar in "Star Wars"
Yes, let yourself be taken down. Just a short post today-- a potent idea I'll go into detail with next time. Whether this idea intrigues or repulses you, the reality is that life is full of experiences that take us down. The truth is, letting ourselves be taken down gives us the first possiblity to drink poison that is actually a very powerful healing, transformative medicine. Becoming the alchemist of your own life who can drink this particular poison is like being a condor. This bird is able to eat stuff that would kill the rest of us and uses it for life giving nourishment. I promise you that you can do the same. I'm doing it myself right now.
Next up on the blog: "How the Phoenix Rises: Step 1: Let Yourself Be Taken Down"
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Day 22: Why Blame Doesn't Work
How Lynds Got Her Bod Back: Why Blame Doesn't Work
We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste this minute
of eternity. We are pain
and what cures pain, both. We are
the sweet cold water and the jar that pours.
I want to hold you close like a lute,
so we can cry out with loving.
You would rather throw stones at a mirror?
I am your mirror, and here are the stones.
--- Rumi
I received some news yesterday, more poured in today-- news that I didn't want to hear. Although some of you may be curious as hell what it actually was, I'm not telling. I must have some privacy for myself, amid the copious sharing of lots of other details about the inner workings of my life.
Content doesn't really matter anyway, it's what we do with it that matters. How often when we have an uncomfortable experience that challenges our ego do we jump to defend that place inside us that is about to take a huge leap in growth? Yes, growth. What knocked us may feel as if we've been pushed over the edge of a cliff and we're doomed to crash on the rocks below. Nothing but our own wings can save us. Many times we clip our own wings by blaming someone else. It's a very convenient and mostly automatic response to avoid taking any kind of personal responsibility that could really change ours and another's life.
Sure, my ego hurts and wants to be soothed protected by saying "It was totally THAT idiot's fault", but what about the bars in my cell that blaming protects and fortifies? What about my own wings that get clipped by every word of defense?
Blame is never about growth. It's ALWAYS about making someone else responsible for the pain and discomfort I FEEL.
So, I decide that the first step out of the cell is to FEEL. As I look at myself through the mirror of another's actions and words I get to sit with ME and all the emotions that I've landed in. There are no vicims here, only a portal, an opportunity to see the parts of myself that nothing but this moment could reveal to me. I also get to love and forgive myself and all the human things I have done. I drop the stones of blame I held, once poised to be flung at another (and thereby myself).
What remains? Where do I go from here? Truthfully in this moment, I have no idea. What I DO know is that now the emptiness will be filled with something more useful than blame. And before the emptiness of the portal is filled, I walk through.
What does any of this have to do with getting my bod back?
I can feel warm peace in my body instead of the tight stomach and cold, taught muscles that fear produced. I can breathe more easily.
No, the discomfort isn't completely gone, but as the river of self accountability flows, it will eventually carry all the discomfort away, every whit. Once again, I remember how to do this. I've done it before and it IS doable!
Another day, another win to get my body back.
We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste this minute
of eternity. We are pain
and what cures pain, both. We are
the sweet cold water and the jar that pours.
I want to hold you close like a lute,
so we can cry out with loving.
You would rather throw stones at a mirror?
I am your mirror, and here are the stones.
--- Rumi
I received some news yesterday, more poured in today-- news that I didn't want to hear. Although some of you may be curious as hell what it actually was, I'm not telling. I must have some privacy for myself, amid the copious sharing of lots of other details about the inner workings of my life.
Content doesn't really matter anyway, it's what we do with it that matters. How often when we have an uncomfortable experience that challenges our ego do we jump to defend that place inside us that is about to take a huge leap in growth? Yes, growth. What knocked us may feel as if we've been pushed over the edge of a cliff and we're doomed to crash on the rocks below. Nothing but our own wings can save us. Many times we clip our own wings by blaming someone else. It's a very convenient and mostly automatic response to avoid taking any kind of personal responsibility that could really change ours and another's life.
Sure, my ego hurts and wants to be soothed protected by saying "It was totally THAT idiot's fault", but what about the bars in my cell that blaming protects and fortifies? What about my own wings that get clipped by every word of defense?
Blame is never about growth. It's ALWAYS about making someone else responsible for the pain and discomfort I FEEL.
So, I decide that the first step out of the cell is to FEEL. As I look at myself through the mirror of another's actions and words I get to sit with ME and all the emotions that I've landed in. There are no vicims here, only a portal, an opportunity to see the parts of myself that nothing but this moment could reveal to me. I also get to love and forgive myself and all the human things I have done. I drop the stones of blame I held, once poised to be flung at another (and thereby myself).
What remains? Where do I go from here? Truthfully in this moment, I have no idea. What I DO know is that now the emptiness will be filled with something more useful than blame. And before the emptiness of the portal is filled, I walk through.
What does any of this have to do with getting my bod back?
I can feel warm peace in my body instead of the tight stomach and cold, taught muscles that fear produced. I can breathe more easily.
No, the discomfort isn't completely gone, but as the river of self accountability flows, it will eventually carry all the discomfort away, every whit. Once again, I remember how to do this. I've done it before and it IS doable!
Another day, another win to get my body back.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Day 10: Commitment: Self Saboteurs
HOW LYNDS GOT HER BOD BACK: Day 10: Commitment: Self Saboteurs
So sorry readers! I asked you to tune in the day after my last post, and it's now over a week later. GEESH! No excuses, I'm just hopping back in...
Comittment to a blog is important, too!
(Sigh)...so where was I?
Ah, self saboteurs. (laughing) Of course-- PERFECT.
Knowing I can't hang ANY responsibility on anyone else for my experience always allows me more freedom from the victim position when it comes to commitment.
I don't know about you, but here's how I sabotage myself.
1. I make unclear comittments, ones that PART of me can agree to, but not all of me. So there's a divided team inside from the start. For one, I often don't consult my body. More on that later.
2. I make unrealistic comittments, which immediately set me up for failure.
3. I create no support to keep me in my comittments. This is different than holding my support people responsible for my breaking my own comittments.
Here are a few more. In their book "The Conscious Heart", relationship pioneers Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks sum up four reasons why we break our commitments:
1. We make insincere commitments
2. We commit to things we cannot control
3. We leave a back door open
4. We make unconscious commitments that contradict the original commitment
If I'm really wanting to get my bod back, I'll set up the comittments I make to get my results along these guidelines:
1. Comittments are made from a whole being "YES" (body, mind, heart, spirit, adult and also the little kid within me. Yes, the kid gets a vote!)
2. I set up support and make clear agreements with those involved as to how to support me. AND THEN ALLOW MYSELF TO BE SUPPORTD. (Just a reminder to myself)
3. This is a NO EXIT game. Period. (I know, I know. There is a part of me chiding "god Lynds, what are you doing?")
4. I am 100% responsible for creating all of my experience.
5. I do a daily check in with my whole being (listed in #1 above. This will nip any kind of mutiny in the bud).
6. Recommit when necessary. (If I walked away from my first bike the moment I fell off, I'd have never had the pleasure of the bike rides I take today!)
As a parting observation, it's really interesting I'd be starting all this body stuff right before the biggest holday season of the year. Hmmm, hmmm......I guess I want a differnt experience of that this year!
So sorry readers! I asked you to tune in the day after my last post, and it's now over a week later. GEESH! No excuses, I'm just hopping back in...
Comittment to a blog is important, too!
(Sigh)...so where was I?
Ah, self saboteurs. (laughing) Of course-- PERFECT.
Knowing I can't hang ANY responsibility on anyone else for my experience always allows me more freedom from the victim position when it comes to commitment.
I don't know about you, but here's how I sabotage myself.
1. I make unclear comittments, ones that PART of me can agree to, but not all of me. So there's a divided team inside from the start. For one, I often don't consult my body. More on that later.
2. I make unrealistic comittments, which immediately set me up for failure.
3. I create no support to keep me in my comittments. This is different than holding my support people responsible for my breaking my own comittments.
Here are a few more. In their book "The Conscious Heart", relationship pioneers Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks sum up four reasons why we break our commitments:
1. We make insincere commitments
2. We commit to things we cannot control
3. We leave a back door open
4. We make unconscious commitments that contradict the original commitment
If I'm really wanting to get my bod back, I'll set up the comittments I make to get my results along these guidelines:
1. Comittments are made from a whole being "YES" (body, mind, heart, spirit, adult and also the little kid within me. Yes, the kid gets a vote!)
2. I set up support and make clear agreements with those involved as to how to support me. AND THEN ALLOW MYSELF TO BE SUPPORTD. (Just a reminder to myself)
3. This is a NO EXIT game. Period. (I know, I know. There is a part of me chiding "god Lynds, what are you doing?")
4. I am 100% responsible for creating all of my experience.
5. I do a daily check in with my whole being (listed in #1 above. This will nip any kind of mutiny in the bud).
6. Recommit when necessary. (If I walked away from my first bike the moment I fell off, I'd have never had the pleasure of the bike rides I take today!)
As a parting observation, it's really interesting I'd be starting all this body stuff right before the biggest holday season of the year. Hmmm, hmmm......I guess I want a differnt experience of that this year!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
How Lynds Got Her Bod Back: Day 2: Commitment: Crossing the Abyss
Hooo-EEE!
Going over the edge of the cliff into commitment is quite the experience.
The reason I start with "the 'C' word: It's a place many of us run from. Yeah, I'm definitely NOT satisfied with where I am and want I the good stuff so bad I can taste it! I'll make that list of everything I'm going to do, things I know have worked in the past and absolutely WILL work today and tomorrow. I will begin with sparkling dreams and gusto through each day for a certain period of time, plunging through all kinds of adventures to come closer to attaining my prize. I'll start to get results and pat myself on the back for the results I've created. People will even compliment me and it feels like I'm on a roll.
Then something happens.
Before long I'm feeling the same way I did prior to embarking on the journey: disgusted with myself.
WHAT HAPPENED? I tell myself that somewhere along the way, THIS (whatever circumstance feels the most believeable) happened. Yup, that was it and I'm sticking to my story. It could be any one of a slew of circumstances (we all have our favorites), some of which might seem very understandable as to why I abandonded my ship. Even sadder is the fact that I didn't even throw myself a rope so I have a chance of being on board again. I just let myself go. It's then months and maybe even years before I attempt this project again.
The plain and simple fact here is that I surrendered my commitment.
Today I know that none of the reasons why I lost my grip even matter. None of the reasons why I didn't ask for support while I was falling don't matter either. Plain and simple, instead of recommiting, I gave up on myself. Instead of keeping my word TO ME, I let my dream fall farther and farther, eventually disappearing sight.
Wow, sit and breathe with that one for a moment, Lynds.
Admitting that fact is the first step to a major rewire in this area for me. Honesty is good medicine! It may be the first handhold that would save the sinking dream. Whew! Having that awareness, maybe I actually have a chance at this really hapening.
Now I can go over the cliff, embarking on the new adventure, but my sound advice to myself is that I'd better be on belay and have a damn good belayer. To leave the place of of "this isn't working and I want something different" to "I'm there and man, does this feel GOOD!", there's the not-so-little matter of crossing the space in between: The Abyss. Peering into the depths of it I see the wreckage of past years, even past months. It's not fun to look at and less fun to remember. YIKES!
The truth of getting the reliable belayer is that she's not far away. I stand in her shoes. No one is responsible for keeping my committment to be on belay other than myself. The farther away from myself I attempt to go to hang responsibility for this venture, the longer I'll put off my dream until it becomes too late. Trust me, I've done it far too many times, with miserable results. With myself now as belayer, how do I do that well, instead of turning into my own saboteur?
Tune in tomorrow!
Going over the edge of the cliff into commitment is quite the experience.
The reason I start with "the 'C' word: It's a place many of us run from. Yeah, I'm definitely NOT satisfied with where I am and want I the good stuff so bad I can taste it! I'll make that list of everything I'm going to do, things I know have worked in the past and absolutely WILL work today and tomorrow. I will begin with sparkling dreams and gusto through each day for a certain period of time, plunging through all kinds of adventures to come closer to attaining my prize. I'll start to get results and pat myself on the back for the results I've created. People will even compliment me and it feels like I'm on a roll.
Then something happens.
Before long I'm feeling the same way I did prior to embarking on the journey: disgusted with myself.
WHAT HAPPENED? I tell myself that somewhere along the way, THIS (whatever circumstance feels the most believeable) happened. Yup, that was it and I'm sticking to my story. It could be any one of a slew of circumstances (we all have our favorites), some of which might seem very understandable as to why I abandonded my ship. Even sadder is the fact that I didn't even throw myself a rope so I have a chance of being on board again. I just let myself go. It's then months and maybe even years before I attempt this project again.
The plain and simple fact here is that I surrendered my commitment.
Today I know that none of the reasons why I lost my grip even matter. None of the reasons why I didn't ask for support while I was falling don't matter either. Plain and simple, instead of recommiting, I gave up on myself. Instead of keeping my word TO ME, I let my dream fall farther and farther, eventually disappearing sight.
Wow, sit and breathe with that one for a moment, Lynds.
Admitting that fact is the first step to a major rewire in this area for me. Honesty is good medicine! It may be the first handhold that would save the sinking dream. Whew! Having that awareness, maybe I actually have a chance at this really hapening.
Now I can go over the cliff, embarking on the new adventure, but my sound advice to myself is that I'd better be on belay and have a damn good belayer. To leave the place of of "this isn't working and I want something different" to "I'm there and man, does this feel GOOD!", there's the not-so-little matter of crossing the space in between: The Abyss. Peering into the depths of it I see the wreckage of past years, even past months. It's not fun to look at and less fun to remember. YIKES!
The truth of getting the reliable belayer is that she's not far away. I stand in her shoes. No one is responsible for keeping my committment to be on belay other than myself. The farther away from myself I attempt to go to hang responsibility for this venture, the longer I'll put off my dream until it becomes too late. Trust me, I've done it far too many times, with miserable results. With myself now as belayer, how do I do that well, instead of turning into my own saboteur?
Tune in tomorrow!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
How Lynds Got Her Bod Back: Day 1
I really don't even know how to begin this, so here goes....
How Lynds Got Her Bod Back......what's that about?
Actually right now I have no idea, except just one:
Commitment. Whatever I decide to do to get my body back, I will do for a year. That span will provide me with some time to get there-- and time to hang out and feel what it's like maintaining that place. A year from now on 11/11/10, I will be looking back on "The Year I Took My Bod Back".
Will it inspire anyone? Dunno. Will I be a better person for having given myself to the journey? Absolutely. Why?
Simply because it's TIME. I am 51 years of age. I have two exceptional grown children, a son-in-law and 2 adorable grandchildren. I'm in my 2nd marriage to a wonderful man, teach a group of amazing string students and am a dynamic life coach. I'm 5'9" and today, I'm weighing in at 181 lb.
I want my body back.
Although this year will be about doing the things to shed the weight and get a healthier, flexible, more resilient body, I already know FAR more than that will be involved. I'm a person who likes taking life DEEP and my present quest is no different. It's NOT about skimming the surface of "going on a diet" and performing a regular exercise regimen. I think that's why so many folks (myself included) who lose weight this way, gain it back sooner than later. I'm looking for a lifestyle change that will stay with me the rest of my days. I have been heavy most of my life and enjoyed being slender and fit too seldom in my 51 years. There is a price I've paid for being heavy that long, as well as a mindset and way of life that comes with with it. I also have a feeling like I'm on the verge of a revolution.
A REVOLUTION. What's different today is that I'm going to let my commitment transform me. I'm putting that concept to the test. Letting my commitments transform me. Oh, oh...SO easier said than done! So to up the anty, I'm trapping myself into this in a rather big way: I am actually exposing myself to public view as I undertake all this, something I would have fled from years ago. Yup, if I don't tell anyone I can let this commitment slip away the first time I'm pushed into an uncomfortable place and there will be no consequence.
Except with my body, of course. WHO DID I THINK I WAS KIDDING? The consequence: I land back at square one. Yeah, no one will know, except the most important player: ME. There's a part of me ranting: "You're effing crazy". Uh huh, the part that wants the status quo. "Don't rock the boat, we're doing just fine." More about that part in subsequent posts.
I look at today's date: 11/11/2009. Three elevens. They look like portals to me. One for the past, one for the present, one for the future. The place I hope to spend most of my waking hours is TODAY, and each today I encounter this year. More specifically, the present moment. Right now, RIGHT NOW. One day at a time, one moving moment at a time.
That's the first place I think I'll get my bod back: the present moment. The place where I can best be IN my body. The only place, really.
Hmmm, IN my body. That's the place I'm starting first. A commitment to be in my body.
How Lynds Got Her Bod Back......what's that about?
Actually right now I have no idea, except just one:
Commitment. Whatever I decide to do to get my body back, I will do for a year. That span will provide me with some time to get there-- and time to hang out and feel what it's like maintaining that place. A year from now on 11/11/10, I will be looking back on "The Year I Took My Bod Back".
Will it inspire anyone? Dunno. Will I be a better person for having given myself to the journey? Absolutely. Why?
Simply because it's TIME. I am 51 years of age. I have two exceptional grown children, a son-in-law and 2 adorable grandchildren. I'm in my 2nd marriage to a wonderful man, teach a group of amazing string students and am a dynamic life coach. I'm 5'9" and today, I'm weighing in at 181 lb.
I want my body back.
Although this year will be about doing the things to shed the weight and get a healthier, flexible, more resilient body, I already know FAR more than that will be involved. I'm a person who likes taking life DEEP and my present quest is no different. It's NOT about skimming the surface of "going on a diet" and performing a regular exercise regimen. I think that's why so many folks (myself included) who lose weight this way, gain it back sooner than later. I'm looking for a lifestyle change that will stay with me the rest of my days. I have been heavy most of my life and enjoyed being slender and fit too seldom in my 51 years. There is a price I've paid for being heavy that long, as well as a mindset and way of life that comes with with it. I also have a feeling like I'm on the verge of a revolution.
A REVOLUTION. What's different today is that I'm going to let my commitment transform me. I'm putting that concept to the test. Letting my commitments transform me. Oh, oh...SO easier said than done! So to up the anty, I'm trapping myself into this in a rather big way: I am actually exposing myself to public view as I undertake all this, something I would have fled from years ago. Yup, if I don't tell anyone I can let this commitment slip away the first time I'm pushed into an uncomfortable place and there will be no consequence.
Except with my body, of course. WHO DID I THINK I WAS KIDDING? The consequence: I land back at square one. Yeah, no one will know, except the most important player: ME. There's a part of me ranting: "You're effing crazy". Uh huh, the part that wants the status quo. "Don't rock the boat, we're doing just fine." More about that part in subsequent posts.
I look at today's date: 11/11/2009. Three elevens. They look like portals to me. One for the past, one for the present, one for the future. The place I hope to spend most of my waking hours is TODAY, and each today I encounter this year. More specifically, the present moment. Right now, RIGHT NOW. One day at a time, one moving moment at a time.
That's the first place I think I'll get my bod back: the present moment. The place where I can best be IN my body. The only place, really.
Hmmm, IN my body. That's the place I'm starting first. A commitment to be in my body.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Question for the Day: Body and Soul
Short and sweet, sometimes The Questions are the shortcut:
What will feed my body well today?
What will feed my soul?
Will the things that I feed my body, feed my soul?
If of they mortal goods thou art bereft
And two loaves alone to thee are left
Sell one, and buy a hyacinths to feed thy soul
– Sheilth Muslik-uddin Saadi Shirazi
What will feed my body well today?
What will feed my soul?
Will the things that I feed my body, feed my soul?
If of they mortal goods thou art bereft
And two loaves alone to thee are left
Sell one, and buy a hyacinths to feed thy soul
– Sheilth Muslik-uddin Saadi Shirazi
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Summer Solstice
Moonless, starlit, magical night.
Laying on my blanket under the huge maple tree,
watching red Mars moving into Gemini,
Big Dipper sinking into the North
Breath of summer wind roving through the trees,
crickets sing,
fruit ripens on trees,
black Labrador watches at my side,
ebony cat calls out the window.
New Moon-
black zero of beginning,
great rising crest of Sun and light to
begin its descent into darkness in minutes,
union of sun and moon
to follow
Great Mystery......
Great Goddess.........
The nightbirds call the soul calls
breathe in the stillness,
the B E A U T Y...
Hold it as long as you can-- let it out.
Silence calls forth the new day
-- Lynds Pickett
Laying on my blanket under the huge maple tree,
watching red Mars moving into Gemini,
Big Dipper sinking into the North
Breath of summer wind roving through the trees,
crickets sing,
fruit ripens on trees,
black Labrador watches at my side,
ebony cat calls out the window.
New Moon-
black zero of beginning,
great rising crest of Sun and light to
begin its descent into darkness in minutes,
union of sun and moon
to follow
Great Mystery......
Great Goddess.........
The nightbirds call the soul calls
breathe in the stillness,
the B E A U T Y...
Hold it as long as you can-- let it out.
Silence calls forth the new day
-- Lynds Pickett
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
awakening in yoga class
This morning, cocooned in natural light
streaming through
huge, west-facing windows in yoga class,
I slipped into
Wondering.
Body and soul opened,
and i peered deep into the cave of
Wondering.
Memories of a grade school time,
the memory of
my father's unbridled laughter streaming from
my core,
a blood memory,
omnipresent,
clear as the sun, never fading.
I walked in,
sat in the cave of
Wondering
so I could see
what was outside
and FEEL
what was inside,
breathing the feeling
down to my bones.
Stillness
and the medicine
of that blood memory
imbedded in the double helix.
I walked out of class
still wondering,
wrapped in the memory
of easy laughter and joyful living
wondering in my cells
what it would be like
to look at myself
without the padding surrounding my body.
Would the lines of each asana
be more grace-full, effortless,
less strain in my face,
more easy peace shining from within?
No thoughts of
"you should have" or
"you ought to"
crossed the barrier
of the cave's opening.
What would it feel like
to let it go?
padding, judgements
rigid expectations
pushing, deadlines?
Only choice
to step forward into each
present moment.
Today
the Wondering
becomes a walking mantra
filling each
present
NOW.
New doors open,
long closed.
A new world to
walk in,
to wake in
and grow into
emerges from
the cave of
Wonder.
streaming through
huge, west-facing windows in yoga class,
I slipped into
Wondering.
Body and soul opened,
and i peered deep into the cave of
Wondering.
Memories of a grade school time,
the memory of
my father's unbridled laughter streaming from
my core,
a blood memory,
omnipresent,
clear as the sun, never fading.
I walked in,
sat in the cave of
Wondering
so I could see
what was outside
and FEEL
what was inside,
breathing the feeling
down to my bones.
Stillness
and the medicine
of that blood memory
imbedded in the double helix.
I walked out of class
still wondering,
wrapped in the memory
of easy laughter and joyful living
wondering in my cells
what it would be like
to look at myself
without the padding surrounding my body.
Would the lines of each asana
be more grace-full, effortless,
less strain in my face,
more easy peace shining from within?
No thoughts of
"you should have" or
"you ought to"
crossed the barrier
of the cave's opening.
What would it feel like
to let it go?
padding, judgements
rigid expectations
pushing, deadlines?
Only choice
to step forward into each
present moment.
Today
the Wondering
becomes a walking mantra
filling each
present
NOW.
New doors open,
long closed.
A new world to
walk in,
to wake in
and grow into
emerges from
the cave of
Wonder.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
RIDING THE CURRENT: Lessons from the Natural World
It was a fabulous, warm day in late spring. My 2 adult children, Ruthe and David were visiting me in Colorado and we were doing fun stuff. This particular afternoon we were shopping at REI in Denver near the confluence of the South Platte River and Cherry Creek. Being a Pisces, it's a favorite spot of mine-- right next to the water. The Confluence is a great play-place: kayakers try new moves on their crafts, folks come down with picnics, some bring their dogs, letting them run through the park on one side, while on the other, long graded terraces of concrete and stone take a person to the water's edge. THIS side has been home to a favorite group of mine: The Colorado Fire Tribe. As a member, I've spun my fire hoop to fabulous live drumming during the warm seasons on Sunday evenings and hung out with some mighty fine folks.
There's always been ample room on this side for watchers, fire performers...anyone.....but today the river, so high in its spring runoff had flooded over the entire lower terrace. Instead of a peacefully playful river, it's morphed into a swift and powerful current, not reccommended for even the best swimmers. WOW! I'd never seen the water so high and fast in this place. Anyone wise would NOT be traveling the confluence waters today. My duaghter and I stared as many,many cubic feet per second poured past us.
Then we spotted something on this big water that riveted our attention: Ducks. These were just regular mallards, a drake and a hen taking a paddle down a river...and on a regular day with regular water I wouldn't have been concerned. But these birds were travelling quasi-torrents. How in the world would they get to their destination? And how would they navigate through such strong and unwieldy waters? "WOW, look at those ducks! Look how fast they're going! I wonder if they can make it into that eddy they're paddling toward?" said I to my daugher. We both watched, spellbound as two tiny ducks careened swiftly down the flood-- and navigated themselves into a willow-eddy, paddlling out of the water at just the right moment to dry ground.
I was incredulous.
"Did you see that???? WOW!!!!!!" I was not only impressed that such comparatively small creatures rode a current of this power and magnitude, but NAVIGATED through it to their chosen destination. Call me crazy, but I was just flat-out impressed with those ducks.
Ruthe, known for her verbal sound-bites to describe certain difinitive moments, uttered with a smile: "dittle lear, dittle-lear, dittlelear-dittleleardittlelear!", modulating her voice from low to high-back- to-low again as the words spilled from her mouth. A sound to describe a magical moment.
Evidently those small creatures posessed something I was unaware of that allowed them to navigate big water with-- at first sight--seeminly inconsequential resources. I still give a snerk inside when I remember this small but potent teaching event that Mother Nature handed me that day.
Today, nearly a year later I know exactly why I was impressed with this moment: I'm travelling a river-of-life so fast that some days and moments I turn to a fellow traveller, observing "Was that____that just happened?"...as the experience already disappears from view. I feel like I'm continually working to catch up with myself! Travelling the crazy-insane speed of this rapid, the speed of the current is the call of the Universe, delivering a current (sometimes with the added excitement of breaking waves) so breathtakingly immense and fast flowing that I barely have time to (sometimes) partially assimilate what's just happened before a new adventure around the next bend bursts upon me. Whew!
Back to the ducks.
I marvel at the animal world's ability to remain so unflinchingly in the present moment. Literally unruffled, trusting the current to take them EXACTLY where they needed to go, the mallards had faith in their ability to travel something this big, respecting the power of their vehicle, yet working with it. Attention to right now, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW is what got them there, as well as trusting their resources and using their own pace and rhythm. They made marvelous use of a dynamic current and had the confidence to navigate it, staying with the moment.
DO WE?
Presently, I see lots of people freaking out in this flow. (Once in a while when I forget, I'm there, too!) thi There are a number of things they do that work against them: Holding on to the side, fighting the current, looking at others for their pacing, ignoring their own natural flow and rhythm (which by the way, includes the option to eddy-out, rest and get one's bearings). Sometimes life even takes them out (and for a good reason, sometimes unknown to the traveler-- at least at first) and they sit there on the side, looking outside themselves at others in the river, wondering "Why?"
If experience and the teachings from the natural world are the talisman I hold for navigating succesfully through the river of life at this most auspicious time on the planet, here is my nugget of wisdom: Today I take a lesson from the ducks: In this River:
1. Trust the flow, don't fight it.
2. Use the flow to my advantage. This can truly make the journey a lot easier and more effortless. Why try to make it happen by myself? I have this amazing power I'm riding at my disposal!
3. Trust my own natural rhythm and pace.
4. Keep paddling and focused when in the flow, BUT TRUST MY SENSES WHEN IT'S TIME TO EDDY OUT, REST AND RE-CENTER.
5. Stay present, and with my experience, NO MATTER WHAT, whether I'm in the water or eddied out.
6. NEVER underestimate the value of a traveling companion.
7. ENJOY THE RIDE
As James Taylor says:
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
Any fool can do it
There aint nothing to it
Nobody knows how we got to
The top of the hill
But since were on our way down
We might as well enjoy the ride
The secret of love is in opening up your heart
Its okay to feel afraid
But dont let that stand in your way
cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since were only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile
Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride
Now the thing about time is that time
Isnt really real
Its just your point of view
How does it feel for you
Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race
Some kind of lovely ride
Ill be sliding down
Ill be gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride
Isnt it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride
Now the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
--James Taylor, "The Secret 'O Life"
There's always been ample room on this side for watchers, fire performers...anyone.....but today the river, so high in its spring runoff had flooded over the entire lower terrace. Instead of a peacefully playful river, it's morphed into a swift and powerful current, not reccommended for even the best swimmers. WOW! I'd never seen the water so high and fast in this place. Anyone wise would NOT be traveling the confluence waters today. My duaghter and I stared as many,many cubic feet per second poured past us.
Then we spotted something on this big water that riveted our attention: Ducks. These were just regular mallards, a drake and a hen taking a paddle down a river...and on a regular day with regular water I wouldn't have been concerned. But these birds were travelling quasi-torrents. How in the world would they get to their destination? And how would they navigate through such strong and unwieldy waters? "WOW, look at those ducks! Look how fast they're going! I wonder if they can make it into that eddy they're paddling toward?" said I to my daugher. We both watched, spellbound as two tiny ducks careened swiftly down the flood-- and navigated themselves into a willow-eddy, paddlling out of the water at just the right moment to dry ground.
I was incredulous.
"Did you see that???? WOW!!!!!!" I was not only impressed that such comparatively small creatures rode a current of this power and magnitude, but NAVIGATED through it to their chosen destination. Call me crazy, but I was just flat-out impressed with those ducks.
Ruthe, known for her verbal sound-bites to describe certain difinitive moments, uttered with a smile: "dittle lear, dittle-lear, dittlelear-dittleleardittlelear!", modulating her voice from low to high-back- to-low again as the words spilled from her mouth. A sound to describe a magical moment.
Evidently those small creatures posessed something I was unaware of that allowed them to navigate big water with-- at first sight--seeminly inconsequential resources. I still give a snerk inside when I remember this small but potent teaching event that Mother Nature handed me that day.
Today, nearly a year later I know exactly why I was impressed with this moment: I'm travelling a river-of-life so fast that some days and moments I turn to a fellow traveller, observing "Was that____that just happened?"...as the experience already disappears from view. I feel like I'm continually working to catch up with myself! Travelling the crazy-insane speed of this rapid, the speed of the current is the call of the Universe, delivering a current (sometimes with the added excitement of breaking waves) so breathtakingly immense and fast flowing that I barely have time to (sometimes) partially assimilate what's just happened before a new adventure around the next bend bursts upon me. Whew!
Back to the ducks.
I marvel at the animal world's ability to remain so unflinchingly in the present moment. Literally unruffled, trusting the current to take them EXACTLY where they needed to go, the mallards had faith in their ability to travel something this big, respecting the power of their vehicle, yet working with it. Attention to right now, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW is what got them there, as well as trusting their resources and using their own pace and rhythm. They made marvelous use of a dynamic current and had the confidence to navigate it, staying with the moment.
DO WE?
Presently, I see lots of people freaking out in this flow. (Once in a while when I forget, I'm there, too!) thi There are a number of things they do that work against them: Holding on to the side, fighting the current, looking at others for their pacing, ignoring their own natural flow and rhythm (which by the way, includes the option to eddy-out, rest and get one's bearings). Sometimes life even takes them out (and for a good reason, sometimes unknown to the traveler-- at least at first) and they sit there on the side, looking outside themselves at others in the river, wondering "Why?"
If experience and the teachings from the natural world are the talisman I hold for navigating succesfully through the river of life at this most auspicious time on the planet, here is my nugget of wisdom: Today I take a lesson from the ducks: In this River:
1. Trust the flow, don't fight it.
2. Use the flow to my advantage. This can truly make the journey a lot easier and more effortless. Why try to make it happen by myself? I have this amazing power I'm riding at my disposal!
3. Trust my own natural rhythm and pace.
4. Keep paddling and focused when in the flow, BUT TRUST MY SENSES WHEN IT'S TIME TO EDDY OUT, REST AND RE-CENTER.
5. Stay present, and with my experience, NO MATTER WHAT, whether I'm in the water or eddied out.
6. NEVER underestimate the value of a traveling companion.
7. ENJOY THE RIDE
As James Taylor says:
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
Any fool can do it
There aint nothing to it
Nobody knows how we got to
The top of the hill
But since were on our way down
We might as well enjoy the ride
The secret of love is in opening up your heart
Its okay to feel afraid
But dont let that stand in your way
cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since were only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile
Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride
Now the thing about time is that time
Isnt really real
Its just your point of view
How does it feel for you
Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race
Some kind of lovely ride
Ill be sliding down
Ill be gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride
Isnt it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride
Now the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
--James Taylor, "The Secret 'O Life"
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