As I write this, our geographic area in Colorado is in the middle of it's first winter storm watch/warning of the season. A beautiful, colorful, balmy fall day yesterday turned into clouds, cold winds and rain today-- which have turned into snow. Currently, it's 32 degrees outside and the temperature is dropping. 6-10 inches of snow is expected by tomorrow night. The high day after tomorrow will be 31 degrees!
Cycles of change can often come and move faster than we are willing to let them. This year is no exception for me. It seemed spring, summer and early fall have all passed in just a few meager weeks. The river of time seems to be whizzing past with the current carrying the rafter (me) at lightening speed! I found myself wholeheartedly resisting the change in temperature and weather today that will surely put an end to my garden and the beautiful fall colors, turning everything into a dead, dry, cold landscape.
Fall is the season when all of nature sheds what is not needed for the winter months ahead. Leaves turn and fall from trees, produce is harvested off vines and that which is not needed is decomposed and returns to the earth to be future nourishment for the seeds of the next cycle of growth. All of nature seems to strip down to the bare essentials, powers down, slows down. There is no resistance, but a flow from one season to the next-- even if it is abrupt.
Why is it we humans, in our self- importance, think we are any different from our natural world? How is it that we have cut ourselves off or away from our own cycles so we cannot recognize the health of loss and transition? We even have our moon in the night sky to remind us that for a couple of days in the month, it whittles itself down to nothing, only to wax again to complete fullness.
As we look at cycles of change, the same thing happens in any cycle of transition: certain things must be released in order for space to be cleared and opened for new creation, abundance and growth. Many times, this clearing may come in the form of circumstances or perceived losses that we feel inappropriate, uncomfortable or downright heartbreaking. However, in the perfection of our existence on Earth, we have living examples and metaphors around us to serve as reminders of our own perfection in cycles of birth, growth, death and transformation to new life.
To ease through transitions more gracefully it's often a wise move to receive the care of a support group, a trusted coach, body worker, healer or other professional who can lighten the load and provide perspective and insight. Then, what once may have been painful and confusing can become a source of wisdom and experience...even a valued reference point on a compass in the rapidly shifting and changing river of these remarkable times.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The Fifth Season: FULLNESS
Five months ago I made a decision based on an urgent physical condition...a decision that has changed my life and has taken it in a new direction.
It seemed that the initial move into Five Element Acupuncture was the necessary step to handle quite a few physical issues that I'd been procrastinating on treating. Finally, the pain and debilitating range of motion in my right arm that kept me from sleeping at night AND playing my instruments (violin, viola, cello) as a music teacher and performer was the final wake up call: I HAD to do something, or lose my career.
My holistic/allopathic physician referred me to an orthopedist, who, after an MRI, diagnosed me not only with a bad case of tendonitis but a rotator cuff tear as well. I was referred to physical therapy for a trial period: If it didn't resolve the pain, surgery would be required.
I dove into physical therapy and Five Element Acupuncture as I felt they were complimentary. My insurance didn't cover the acupuncture but I didn't care. I felt the latter would tackle other issues not resolved by allopathic medicine and this acupuncturist came with glowing recommendations from someone I trusted who is very picky about her health practitioners.
My acupuncturist began by educating me (the novice) about the modality. She said:
"Traditionally Classical acupuncture was used as a preventative medicine to stay well and feel better inside of yourself before more serious conditions arose. The fact that it is still being used today after 3000 years is testament to its effectiveness and to the principles and laws of nature on which it is based. It's well known for pain relief and is beneficial for any physical, mental or emotional concern.
Classical Five Element Acupuncture is a distinctive and powerful form of healing based on the principles of nature. It looks to the Five Elements - Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water - which are inherent in all living things, to determine where an imbalance lies within an individual. Symptoms are viewed as distress signals, which indicate a deeper imbalance. Five Element acupuncture addresses the symptoms by treating the root cause of the imbalance, which provides for longer lasting results and helps prevent the recurrence of illness.
Chinese medicine recognizes that there is a vital energy in the body called Chi, which influences the workings of every element, organ and system. This Chi energy must flow freely and smoothly within the body in the proper strength and quality in order for the body to function in a correct healthy balance.
I remember my first acupuncture session vividly: Tracey had just pulled the 1st set of needles out of my back. "How do you feel-- what are you noticing?" In Five Element, she'd been trained to stay with her clients, monitoring their pulses and energy shifts throughout each session. She never left the room as modern acupuncturists will do.
The hair-slender needles were no issue for me. There were a few pricks, but nothing intrusively bothersome. But what I DID notice was a rush of nonverbal information that filled not only my body but my awareness. I burst into tears. The first words out of my mouth were:
"Where......have I been?"
It was as if there was a large, lost part of me that had dropped back inside my present body, heart and soul. I truthfully couldn't remember the last time I felt as strong and authentic a presence of myself as I did in that moment. AND IT LASTED-- throughout the week until the next session. This was the part of myself that was grounded, decisive and open --yet strong. This authentic part told the truth and stood physically grounded at all times with her strong legs and feet solidly connected to the earth like tree trunks. She was totally in her body and a gentle warrior.
As the weeks stretched into months, I had more dramatic experiences as a result of my commitment to see myself through the acupuncture treatments...and I knew my life had transitioned into a big shift. It was like going over a huge waterfall in slow motion. The opening of authenticity I had in my first session grew and started weaving itself into my daily walk, minute by minute, hour by hour. I felt like a pioneer, constantly on the edge of discovering a new, untapped wilderness within myself with more revelations each week. By the beginning of May, a strong, consistent flow of energy from my root chakra astounded me with a more powerful, vibrant, alive, passionate energy than I'd ever experienced. As per my shamanic and other training, I knew this energy could heal myself and others if properly cultivated and used in a good way.
One day in early June, a heavy thunderstorm broke during the middle of my session in Tracey's office, which was situated on the 4th and highest floor of the building. Thunder was crackling overhead and my mind was a little freaked. It was sure the electric energy rushing through my body would act as a lightening rod and attract a powerful bolt right through the roof. But my body, lying face up on the table, totally exposed with needles in it, was perfectly calm. My body felt like the literal eye of the storm around us. ( As a healer, I've facilitated experiences where everyone in the room around me was bursting with healing release as a flash flood does-- a catapulting, cleansing chaos moving down a canyon after a hard rain. Holding space for these healing miracles, I am the calm inside this tremendous vortex of energy.) It was as if all nature was giving me a clue of what was in store, just around the bend.
A couple of weeks later in a session,I felt a strong psychic bridge form itself between the place in me which received visions of my life work-- AND the means to bring those visions into physical reality. It was the beginning of Tracey's feedback telling me "Your pulses are full today. Let's monitor them to see how long they last." A full pulse that isn't pushed indicates an authentic sourcing of energy from the body. What music to my ears THAT was, especially after battling Phase 2 adrenal burnout for over 3 years!
In a subsequent session I learned that underlying the Five Elements of this practice are the five seasons the Chinese look to in their year: Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer and....Late Summer. This fifth season is the time of year that's found at the tail end of summer. It's the time we're in now. Most of us will recognize this season as the time of Harvest - representing the earth's bountiful fruits and vegetables that are ripe and ready to be harvested. It represents "Fullness": the last of the golden summer days of summer heat, dead ripe fruit hanging on the vine, the last remnants of summer green tuning into a tired green before the trees plunge into autumn color and begin to shed their leaves as Fall comes on. Nights are deep and sultry, meteors careen across the sky and the immense potency of summer energy couldn't be any bigger, stuffed into a 24 hr. day. The Fifth Season doesn't last as long as others, especially in the Rockies. Sometimes it will only last a couple of weeks before the energetic tables tip the land into Autumn.
The day before Tracey talked to me about the 5 seasons, I was having a conversation with my tantric mentor about relationship. "The goal", he said, "is to keep yourself in a place of fullness. Fullness of heart and spirit and physical health-- so you never feel the need to source yourself on any level through another person."
Isn't this what healthy relationship is all about? From the place of depletion and scarcity(thus fear)all power struggles arise. From fullness on all levels one moves forward from choice.
In the fullness of Late Summer, I experienced my 2nd and most powerful kundalini experience ever --as I embarked on my present concurrent path of training as a Pranic Energy Healer. It opened the door to a higher level of authenticity and totally blew me away with it's alchemy and power.
After viewing a Facebook link posted by one of my friends in Idaho, I decided to investigate Pranic Healing. It's a practice that fuses both ancient Tibetan and Indian practices long held as secrets to wellness and longevity. Ancient texts and illustrations showing breathing techniques, proper hand motions and body positions have been practiced for thousands of years, yet not accessible to most people, even from the nations they were cultivated in. Not until a few decades ago.
I've observed energy work as a component of physical, emotional and mental health for a while, but never was impressed with reported results as I was with this particular mode. I observed that it's similar to acupuncture but without needles and touch. I made the move to check it out, registering for 2 complimentary evenings and a full Level 1 seminar.
I was totally ripe for a new shift. My commitment and resulting benefits from Five Element Acupuncture had prepared me by opening up a stream of energy available to me that I'd never experienced.
The 2 evenings taught me several kinds of breathing which, when done properly were better than caffeine! I tried them out a number of times, especially when my body was low on sleep and observed that I was alert, energetic, focused yet relaxed for up to 8 hours.
The Level 1 weekend came and I was there with bells on. Psychic self defense, building energy with breath and movement, holding precious chi energy without letting it be drained off, as well as cleansing and channeling energy in the body were taught and practiced. During a cleansing exercise with a partner, a sensation in my solar plexus catalyzed an observation I made to Master Co. A while later, he called me up in front of the class(willing subjects were class demonsrations the entire weekend) to clear what was left of some remaining energy in my solar plexus. I was not prepared for happened next, but did not resist.
Very long.
It was as if the Great Wall fell inside of me, releasing years if not decades of old, stubborn energetic blocks.. As the wall crumbled, I felt a flood of emotion release, once guarded tightly within the blockade. Fortunately, the class had a lunch break right after my experience. I laid in the corner of the training room for most of the break, belly to the earth, releasing what seemed like eons of pain and sadness.
After this release, I noticed my entire being fragile without the Wall, processing the transition in energy for the rest of the afternoon. The old structure was gone, the new one yet to come. I treated myself gently and participated as I could.
Traveling slowly home that evening on I-270, I was higher than a kite but still feeling sensitive and vulnerable from my experiences that day. It seemed as if I was riding a river. I decided to turn on some music. Then what hit me seemed to come out of nowhere.
I first noticed my energy feeling fuller and brighter and larger than any other time in my entire life. I was totally relaxed as I moved down the freeway. I then felt the sensation of white fire erupting from my perineum chakra, shooting straight up my spine, encountering NO BLOCKS (finally!) and pouring out my crown chakra like fire from a rocket engine. My head was so full and hot, it felt like bursting (although no pain). It was as if I felt a wreath of white hot flames encircling my head. As I sat in the car, immersed in the river of fire, I was conscious of the fact that all the locked doors of my previous small life had just been blown out of my old structure. I was now free to venture into a totally new environment where I'd never gone before. There was a feeling deep in my gut that my life would never again be the same.
I had to pull over.
Cars, whizzing past-- I created an energetic cocoon for myself and sat, eyes closed for about 20 minutes. Then realizing I had to get home somehow, I asked my angels to take the car home. When I got home, I briefly shared my experience with my husband, then went to a very quiet place to just sit. Then to the bathtub with candles to soak, as the experience integrated into my cells. Then I slept peacefully, solidly, all night
A week later I notice a clear, positive shift in relationship. I am sleeping well at night, I'm cleaning out on a physical level everything in my surroundings (from inner cleansing to outer clean out) and noticing much more subtle energy moving around me. I can even see auras from time to time. I move with clarity, focus, deciveness and carry an inner peace inside.
It's been an extraordinary 5 months that have accelerated (and continue to accelerate)the entire time, bringing me to an increase in physical health, improved relationship, mental clarity and focus. I'm playing my instruments and swimming again and for the first time-- picked up my fire hoop today and gave it a spin. YESSS! I feel my spirit integrating into a new vibration.
It is fullness embodied.
It seemed that the initial move into Five Element Acupuncture was the necessary step to handle quite a few physical issues that I'd been procrastinating on treating. Finally, the pain and debilitating range of motion in my right arm that kept me from sleeping at night AND playing my instruments (violin, viola, cello) as a music teacher and performer was the final wake up call: I HAD to do something, or lose my career.
My holistic/allopathic physician referred me to an orthopedist, who, after an MRI, diagnosed me not only with a bad case of tendonitis but a rotator cuff tear as well. I was referred to physical therapy for a trial period: If it didn't resolve the pain, surgery would be required.
I dove into physical therapy and Five Element Acupuncture as I felt they were complimentary. My insurance didn't cover the acupuncture but I didn't care. I felt the latter would tackle other issues not resolved by allopathic medicine and this acupuncturist came with glowing recommendations from someone I trusted who is very picky about her health practitioners.
My acupuncturist began by educating me (the novice) about the modality. She said:
"Traditionally Classical acupuncture was used as a preventative medicine to stay well and feel better inside of yourself before more serious conditions arose. The fact that it is still being used today after 3000 years is testament to its effectiveness and to the principles and laws of nature on which it is based. It's well known for pain relief and is beneficial for any physical, mental or emotional concern.
Classical Five Element Acupuncture is a distinctive and powerful form of healing based on the principles of nature. It looks to the Five Elements - Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water - which are inherent in all living things, to determine where an imbalance lies within an individual. Symptoms are viewed as distress signals, which indicate a deeper imbalance. Five Element acupuncture addresses the symptoms by treating the root cause of the imbalance, which provides for longer lasting results and helps prevent the recurrence of illness.
Chinese medicine recognizes that there is a vital energy in the body called Chi, which influences the workings of every element, organ and system. This Chi energy must flow freely and smoothly within the body in the proper strength and quality in order for the body to function in a correct healthy balance.
I remember my first acupuncture session vividly: Tracey had just pulled the 1st set of needles out of my back. "How do you feel-- what are you noticing?" In Five Element, she'd been trained to stay with her clients, monitoring their pulses and energy shifts throughout each session. She never left the room as modern acupuncturists will do.
The hair-slender needles were no issue for me. There were a few pricks, but nothing intrusively bothersome. But what I DID notice was a rush of nonverbal information that filled not only my body but my awareness. I burst into tears. The first words out of my mouth were:
"Where......have I been?"
It was as if there was a large, lost part of me that had dropped back inside my present body, heart and soul. I truthfully couldn't remember the last time I felt as strong and authentic a presence of myself as I did in that moment. AND IT LASTED-- throughout the week until the next session. This was the part of myself that was grounded, decisive and open --yet strong. This authentic part told the truth and stood physically grounded at all times with her strong legs and feet solidly connected to the earth like tree trunks. She was totally in her body and a gentle warrior.
As the weeks stretched into months, I had more dramatic experiences as a result of my commitment to see myself through the acupuncture treatments...and I knew my life had transitioned into a big shift. It was like going over a huge waterfall in slow motion. The opening of authenticity I had in my first session grew and started weaving itself into my daily walk, minute by minute, hour by hour. I felt like a pioneer, constantly on the edge of discovering a new, untapped wilderness within myself with more revelations each week. By the beginning of May, a strong, consistent flow of energy from my root chakra astounded me with a more powerful, vibrant, alive, passionate energy than I'd ever experienced. As per my shamanic and other training, I knew this energy could heal myself and others if properly cultivated and used in a good way.
One day in early June, a heavy thunderstorm broke during the middle of my session in Tracey's office, which was situated on the 4th and highest floor of the building. Thunder was crackling overhead and my mind was a little freaked. It was sure the electric energy rushing through my body would act as a lightening rod and attract a powerful bolt right through the roof. But my body, lying face up on the table, totally exposed with needles in it, was perfectly calm. My body felt like the literal eye of the storm around us. ( As a healer, I've facilitated experiences where everyone in the room around me was bursting with healing release as a flash flood does-- a catapulting, cleansing chaos moving down a canyon after a hard rain. Holding space for these healing miracles, I am the calm inside this tremendous vortex of energy.) It was as if all nature was giving me a clue of what was in store, just around the bend.
A couple of weeks later in a session,I felt a strong psychic bridge form itself between the place in me which received visions of my life work-- AND the means to bring those visions into physical reality. It was the beginning of Tracey's feedback telling me "Your pulses are full today. Let's monitor them to see how long they last." A full pulse that isn't pushed indicates an authentic sourcing of energy from the body. What music to my ears THAT was, especially after battling Phase 2 adrenal burnout for over 3 years!
In a subsequent session I learned that underlying the Five Elements of this practice are the five seasons the Chinese look to in their year: Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer and....Late Summer. This fifth season is the time of year that's found at the tail end of summer. It's the time we're in now. Most of us will recognize this season as the time of Harvest - representing the earth's bountiful fruits and vegetables that are ripe and ready to be harvested. It represents "Fullness": the last of the golden summer days of summer heat, dead ripe fruit hanging on the vine, the last remnants of summer green tuning into a tired green before the trees plunge into autumn color and begin to shed their leaves as Fall comes on. Nights are deep and sultry, meteors careen across the sky and the immense potency of summer energy couldn't be any bigger, stuffed into a 24 hr. day. The Fifth Season doesn't last as long as others, especially in the Rockies. Sometimes it will only last a couple of weeks before the energetic tables tip the land into Autumn.
The day before Tracey talked to me about the 5 seasons, I was having a conversation with my tantric mentor about relationship. "The goal", he said, "is to keep yourself in a place of fullness. Fullness of heart and spirit and physical health-- so you never feel the need to source yourself on any level through another person."
Isn't this what healthy relationship is all about? From the place of depletion and scarcity(thus fear)all power struggles arise. From fullness on all levels one moves forward from choice.
In the fullness of Late Summer, I experienced my 2nd and most powerful kundalini experience ever --as I embarked on my present concurrent path of training as a Pranic Energy Healer. It opened the door to a higher level of authenticity and totally blew me away with it's alchemy and power.
After viewing a Facebook link posted by one of my friends in Idaho, I decided to investigate Pranic Healing. It's a practice that fuses both ancient Tibetan and Indian practices long held as secrets to wellness and longevity. Ancient texts and illustrations showing breathing techniques, proper hand motions and body positions have been practiced for thousands of years, yet not accessible to most people, even from the nations they were cultivated in. Not until a few decades ago.
I've observed energy work as a component of physical, emotional and mental health for a while, but never was impressed with reported results as I was with this particular mode. I observed that it's similar to acupuncture but without needles and touch. I made the move to check it out, registering for 2 complimentary evenings and a full Level 1 seminar.
I was totally ripe for a new shift. My commitment and resulting benefits from Five Element Acupuncture had prepared me by opening up a stream of energy available to me that I'd never experienced.
The 2 evenings taught me several kinds of breathing which, when done properly were better than caffeine! I tried them out a number of times, especially when my body was low on sleep and observed that I was alert, energetic, focused yet relaxed for up to 8 hours.
The Level 1 weekend came and I was there with bells on. Psychic self defense, building energy with breath and movement, holding precious chi energy without letting it be drained off, as well as cleansing and channeling energy in the body were taught and practiced. During a cleansing exercise with a partner, a sensation in my solar plexus catalyzed an observation I made to Master Co. A while later, he called me up in front of the class(willing subjects were class demonsrations the entire weekend) to clear what was left of some remaining energy in my solar plexus. I was not prepared for happened next, but did not resist.
Very long.
It was as if the Great Wall fell inside of me, releasing years if not decades of old, stubborn energetic blocks.. As the wall crumbled, I felt a flood of emotion release, once guarded tightly within the blockade. Fortunately, the class had a lunch break right after my experience. I laid in the corner of the training room for most of the break, belly to the earth, releasing what seemed like eons of pain and sadness.
After this release, I noticed my entire being fragile without the Wall, processing the transition in energy for the rest of the afternoon. The old structure was gone, the new one yet to come. I treated myself gently and participated as I could.
Traveling slowly home that evening on I-270, I was higher than a kite but still feeling sensitive and vulnerable from my experiences that day. It seemed as if I was riding a river. I decided to turn on some music. Then what hit me seemed to come out of nowhere.
I first noticed my energy feeling fuller and brighter and larger than any other time in my entire life. I was totally relaxed as I moved down the freeway. I then felt the sensation of white fire erupting from my perineum chakra, shooting straight up my spine, encountering NO BLOCKS (finally!) and pouring out my crown chakra like fire from a rocket engine. My head was so full and hot, it felt like bursting (although no pain). It was as if I felt a wreath of white hot flames encircling my head. As I sat in the car, immersed in the river of fire, I was conscious of the fact that all the locked doors of my previous small life had just been blown out of my old structure. I was now free to venture into a totally new environment where I'd never gone before. There was a feeling deep in my gut that my life would never again be the same.
I had to pull over.
Cars, whizzing past-- I created an energetic cocoon for myself and sat, eyes closed for about 20 minutes. Then realizing I had to get home somehow, I asked my angels to take the car home. When I got home, I briefly shared my experience with my husband, then went to a very quiet place to just sit. Then to the bathtub with candles to soak, as the experience integrated into my cells. Then I slept peacefully, solidly, all night
A week later I notice a clear, positive shift in relationship. I am sleeping well at night, I'm cleaning out on a physical level everything in my surroundings (from inner cleansing to outer clean out) and noticing much more subtle energy moving around me. I can even see auras from time to time. I move with clarity, focus, deciveness and carry an inner peace inside.
It's been an extraordinary 5 months that have accelerated (and continue to accelerate)the entire time, bringing me to an increase in physical health, improved relationship, mental clarity and focus. I'm playing my instruments and swimming again and for the first time-- picked up my fire hoop today and gave it a spin. YESSS! I feel my spirit integrating into a new vibration.
It is fullness embodied.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Pink Rain
Monsoon season in Colorado-- July is not like all the other midsummer years I've seen here. Usually by this time, all the green has become brown, the heat is set in, clouds and are rain sparse and the land becomes a tinder box: volumnous, brown and dry. I usually hide inside to avoid the scorching, unrelenting heat and landscape. Folks who've been here longer than I say that "now it's beginning to look like it used to."
Since the change in the weather and landscape, I've created an evening ritual the last few weeks: I don clothing that covers me against the mosquitos, spray on a green cloud of natural insect repellent and head out to the backyard to spend time with the sky and my garden.
I've been invited outside many an evening by the immensity of changing color and shapes above that these last moments of the day bring. As I walk out the sliding glass door onto the deck, I survey my gift and am delighted once more. Why is it I can sit and watch cloudscapes for hours as they metamorphose into all manner of hues and configurations....? The clouds tonight are gray with a luminous dripping pink-melon color, juicy and thick with droplets. Rain looks like it won't fall immediately, so I walk across the lush green lawn (made so by late afternoon downpours of the last few weeks) and plunk myself down in a corner of the garden, thick with weeds. From here I can focus on both the weeding AND enjoy the show.
This is my evening meditation: to sit on the earth, get it under my fingernails, find a rhythm with the pulling and coaxing of the weeds out of the soil, (trying not to be poked by the thistles I pull up), tossing them to the pile in back of me. Turn and repeat.
I am a sensualist, a tactile goddess. I love color, taste, oneness with the earth and living beings in my hands. Whether the contact is with my granddaughter's fingers wrapped around my pinky, a cat or dog's warm fur, green plants soon to bear fruit, the clearing of brush and trees on a ropes course or the long ago hewn and carved wood of my cello and bow under my fingers and embraced by my body, it all invites me into my essential self. This part of me drinks deeply and flourishes in the natural world. Tonight I am having a feast.
In "Desert Solitaire", Edward Abbey wrote:
"I am pleased enough with the surfaces - in fact they alone seem to me to be of much importance. Such things for example as the grasp of a child's hand in your own, the flavor of an apple, the embrace of a friend or lover, the silk of a girl's thigh, the sunlight on the rock and leaves, the feel of music, the bark of a tree, the abrasion of granite and sand, the plunge of clear water into a pool, the face of the wind - what else is there? What else do we need?"
I crunch a tender, raw green bean and savor its taste. Honestly, every mouthful I'm blessed with out of my garden tastes and feels like it has 100% more nutrition and energy than ANYTHING I could get anywhere else. I was surprised to find the bushes bearing already, a treasure amongst the weeds.
I look to the West. Just above the crest of a group of indigo-gray peaks, the clouds are fire in the sky. I look up. A pink cotton candy canopy is spreading quickly above me. Drops kiss my face. I have to look twice as they fall on my shoulders. The kid inside me is giggling, expecting pink clouds to produce pink rain-- OF COURSE. The adult knows better, smiles, continues the rhythm of the weeding meditation, leaving the child to revel in her fantasy.
The gentle rain continues....and we smile.
Finally the light is dying, the show ended for the evening. The color on the clouds resembles the last breath of fading embers on the hot past of a fire.
I bless the garden, tucking her in for the night as I bring her gifts-- and my fantasy-- inside.
Since the change in the weather and landscape, I've created an evening ritual the last few weeks: I don clothing that covers me against the mosquitos, spray on a green cloud of natural insect repellent and head out to the backyard to spend time with the sky and my garden.
I've been invited outside many an evening by the immensity of changing color and shapes above that these last moments of the day bring. As I walk out the sliding glass door onto the deck, I survey my gift and am delighted once more. Why is it I can sit and watch cloudscapes for hours as they metamorphose into all manner of hues and configurations....? The clouds tonight are gray with a luminous dripping pink-melon color, juicy and thick with droplets. Rain looks like it won't fall immediately, so I walk across the lush green lawn (made so by late afternoon downpours of the last few weeks) and plunk myself down in a corner of the garden, thick with weeds. From here I can focus on both the weeding AND enjoy the show.
This is my evening meditation: to sit on the earth, get it under my fingernails, find a rhythm with the pulling and coaxing of the weeds out of the soil, (trying not to be poked by the thistles I pull up), tossing them to the pile in back of me. Turn and repeat.
I am a sensualist, a tactile goddess. I love color, taste, oneness with the earth and living beings in my hands. Whether the contact is with my granddaughter's fingers wrapped around my pinky, a cat or dog's warm fur, green plants soon to bear fruit, the clearing of brush and trees on a ropes course or the long ago hewn and carved wood of my cello and bow under my fingers and embraced by my body, it all invites me into my essential self. This part of me drinks deeply and flourishes in the natural world. Tonight I am having a feast.
In "Desert Solitaire", Edward Abbey wrote:
"I am pleased enough with the surfaces - in fact they alone seem to me to be of much importance. Such things for example as the grasp of a child's hand in your own, the flavor of an apple, the embrace of a friend or lover, the silk of a girl's thigh, the sunlight on the rock and leaves, the feel of music, the bark of a tree, the abrasion of granite and sand, the plunge of clear water into a pool, the face of the wind - what else is there? What else do we need?"
I crunch a tender, raw green bean and savor its taste. Honestly, every mouthful I'm blessed with out of my garden tastes and feels like it has 100% more nutrition and energy than ANYTHING I could get anywhere else. I was surprised to find the bushes bearing already, a treasure amongst the weeds.
I look to the West. Just above the crest of a group of indigo-gray peaks, the clouds are fire in the sky. I look up. A pink cotton candy canopy is spreading quickly above me. Drops kiss my face. I have to look twice as they fall on my shoulders. The kid inside me is giggling, expecting pink clouds to produce pink rain-- OF COURSE. The adult knows better, smiles, continues the rhythm of the weeding meditation, leaving the child to revel in her fantasy.
The gentle rain continues....and we smile.
Finally the light is dying, the show ended for the evening. The color on the clouds resembles the last breath of fading embers on the hot past of a fire.
I bless the garden, tucking her in for the night as I bring her gifts-- and my fantasy-- inside.
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